Saturday, July 11, 2009

Indecent Wedding Dresses

I was dead on my feet with exhaustion as I conducted the wedding ceremony. I don't remember why I was so tired, but I think it was the Christmas season with all the extra activities and craziness that goes on at that time.

So I'm standing there in front of the bride and groom, trying desperately to bring some coherency to my message. I wanted to say something eloquent, helpful, and not stupid. Then I realized that while I was straining to pull my thoughts together, I was staring directly at the woman's chest.

How many long moments had my eyes been pointed that way? I blinked with a start and looked up. Bless her heart, the sweet young lady was grinning widely and I thought she might start laughing at me. Which was better than her being embarrassed and offended.

There was no explaining myself. I couldn't say, “Sorry about the staring, but I wasn't really looking.” Who would believe that?

I'm sure it wasn't the first time she had been the object of a man's staring because she was certainly pretty. On the other hand she was not dressed provocatively. Sure, the dress was lovely but unlike many others it actually covered her adequately.

This has not always been the case. In this postmodern, enlightened era, many wedding dresses are cut way low. I remember one time a woman showed so much cleavage that I was afraid to look down—I might have gotten dizzy and fallen in!

At another wedding, the bride wore a kind of handmade Indian garb that was definitely not her size-- too tight and too short and not in an attractive way. She kept tugging at the skirt to pull it down while I spoke. Nobody noticed her, though, because her husband was swacked. He actually showed up for the ceremony with a beer in his hand. The audience took bets on when and which way he would fall during the ceremony!

Then there was the bride who wore the micro minidress. It was lavender which sort of clashed with the white veil on her head. The dress was so short that her underwear showed when she walked up the aisle. She probably meant for those panties to be seen because they coordinated with the veil. It could have been an attempt to bring the whole ensemble together.

But the woman's attire (or lack thereof) was not the most memorable thing about that wedding. I'll tell you about that another time. (click here).

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