Have I mentioned that I hate church signs? Not the ones with useful stuff like their name and meeting times. I’m talking about those marquee signs with the cute statements on them like: “You think it’s hot here!” Or What missing in the Ch - - Ch?”
I hate them because they give the owners the feeling that they are accomplishing something by sticking letters up. I hate them because it’s one more opportunity to sound preachy, petty, and irrelevant. Mostly I think I hate them because they’re so overpriced.
I remember being sorely tempted to put my own message up on a sign at a church that I had to leave. In the dark of night just before I left town, I’d write the specific name of my nemesis and talk about how limply endowed I thought he was—or something equally tasteful. I’d take the key to the sign with me and since it’s supposed to be vandal proof, they’d have a hard time changing it.
It’s hard to imagine why they’d have issues with me, isn’t it?
I have a couple of things I’ve been tempted to say on a church sign:
“A place where the only change made is in the offering plate.”
“Where we have the best fried chicken and the grumpiest souls.”
“Where children aren’t seen or heard.”
If we have to put something on a sign other than information, couldn’t we say something affirming that tells the readers that they are valuable? Something that expresses appreciation for beauty, courage, and love? Something that inspires us to be brave and truthful?
I just don't know how to make those statements into a one phrase burma shave slogan.