It was prayer time.
A little old woman raised her hand and with a booming voice said, "I'm grateful I finally got my PLUMBING fixed last week!"
Several pairs of eyebrows went up at her fervent praise. A couple of people laughed.
"It's nice to get those house repairs done, isn't it?" I clarified.
"Ohh." One of the choir members behind me said.
It's hard not to say anything in public without stumbling into an unintended double entendre. One time when the Lay director's microphone was not working, I addressed the sound technicians from the stage: "Fellas, one of you needs to come down here and turn her on!"
They still tease me about that one.
One time, we had a band play for us, and the woman stopped her playing for a moment to tell us that the reason they were performing this kind of music was so they could help us not be so stuffy in our worship. "We want you people to loosen up!"
Her fellow band member knew she has spoken too harshly, so he tried to smooth it over. "And isn't it wonderful," he said grandly, "to be loose in the Lord."
All I could think of was how they were having a laxative effect on the congregation.
I'll take my lumps for my own verbal blunders, but I really wish we could curtail some of the things people share during prayer time. The rest of us do not need to hear of Uncle Bubba's hemorrhoids, or Aunt Flossie's rash just under her right breast.
The worst one was from the prim lady who asked us week after week to pray for her son-in-law who "has a tumor on his left testicle and will have to have it removed."
I kept resisting the urge to ask if the tumor or the whole testicle would need to be removed.
Anyway, if there are no other requests, let us pray….