Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Naughty Sea Mammal

I used to keep a figurine on my desk of a dolphin leaping out of the water. There are people who are immediately drawn to it when they enter the room, but not because they like sea mammals. In fact, they can’t say why they like it.

It has a phallic similarity that I did not notice at first. But the dolphin is curved just so, as it stretches up. And it is just the same size as, well… you know.

On occasions when we had meetings in my office, one fellow would pick the figurine up, place it in his lap and play with it thoughtfully while we discussed the Lord’s business.

On church volunteer, a prim, past middle aged lady couldn’t keep her hands off it. When she entered my office to talk to me, her eyes would light up as she saw it. She’d pick it up and stroke it absentmindedly while we conversed, oblivious to what she was revealing. I would watch with a mix of humor and embarrassment.

I could understand why her husband was a happy, sort of mellow fellow.

I never pointed out to her what she was doing because she would have died of embarrassment.

It has often been mentioned by readers of this blog that people are sexual and we can be silly in our denial of this part of ourselves. In fact, it’s important that people express themselves sexually.

On Sunday mornings, I can often tell who had sex the night before and who didn’t. There are the couples, young and old, where the man leans back against the pew with a satisfied look while the woman nestles against him, sometimes with her hand resting on his thigh. It makes me feel good to see them.

I also see couples who might sit together, but obviously aren’t interested in touching each other. Or maybe only one isn’t interested while the other looks glum.

I never mention this to anyone, of course. And it never got brought up in seminary. In fact, this is not something I can talk about to anyone, so I write about it here. But it’s part of my constant monitoring to gauge how things are going with folks in the congregation.

It used to make me uncomfortable to see these things. But as I get older and more comfortable with myself, I know how to see the people and decide what kind of work will be required of me for the week.


  1. Maybe you should work Marvin Gaye's Let's Get It On into the service. ;-)

  2. We have lots of songs already that I'd just as soon never have sung again in church, thank you very much:

    Example: "I Go Down On My Knees."

  3. Ordinariate AntifodderMay 24, 2010 at 11:21 AM

    How do you "often tell" their pew postures are related to sexual activity the night before? What makes it more than just an assumption on your part?

  4. OA, I guess it really is just an assumption. I can't prove I'm right and I'm not really interested in doing so.

  5. Who doesn't love a good afterglow...

    ...and, talk about sex CG and I'm right on your page....

    To me, it seems archaic this Victorian view we seem to have on sex. Why don't you talk to your people about sex? Why are we so afraid?
    Sorry, but I blame the early church. I think the whole "save yourself for marriage" crap began with the church wanting to control it's masses.
    A car may only last 10-15 years, even that I will test drive before I buy it. Why wouldn't I do the same for an entire lifetime?
    I like sex. Lots of it. I don't feel it's immoral to have all kinds of sex. Except with animals...that's kinda...ewww....
    I guess I just feel bad for others that are stuck in a 16th century attitude about something that is so wonderful.

    CG, have you ever had to counsel any couples in regard to sex?

  6. Sistermoon, You're not the only person who's told me that they want to road test their next model before they make a commitment.

    Sure, I've counseled people about sex. There's so much guilt and need and angst mixed up in it and sex overlaps so into all areas of life and relationship and drive and religion, etc.

    The Bible is not nearly so squeamish about sex as we are, btw.