Saturday, July 31, 2010

Hemmed In

My office, with its expensive furniture, feels like a jail cell. They put stain glass in the one window I had and now I can’t even see out. I have artwork on the wall, but it doesn’t help enough.

The church building is bigger and more lavish than any I’ve worked with in a while but the walls press in on me regularly even in the biggest room. I’m mad every time I walk the halls and feel the opulence of the facilities. And as expensive as it all is, as pretty as they all say it is, I think it looks ugly and ridiculous.

My house is small and I can’t find even a corner of privacy. The neighbors have their houses close to ours and we can hear the family next door fighting or partying right outside our bedroom window.

I walk the streets and every damn dog in the town barks at me when I go past. A huge number of the dogs in this hick town are pit bulls or rottweilers—I hope their chains hold and the fences are high enough.

The only time I have any privacy is early in the morning before anybody else is up.

It’s the weirdest feeling to want to be left alone and feel lonely at the same time.


  1. I'm sorry you're not feeling well. :( ~K

  2. I know that feeling. I haven't felt it in a while, but there have been many times where I wanted to be left alone, but not too alone. It's an odd balance.