In all the years I’ve been a minister, this is the first time we’ve had the issue of head lice enter our sacred doors. We have to watch carefully to prevent our preschool kids from spreading it around. It’s not THAT big a deal. Aside from the “eeww” factor, a little common sense and caution, along with the medicated shampoo, should fix us up.
Speaking of firsts, the youth department has a strange fundraiser. They’re hanging underwear in people’s yards—and I’m talking super, industrial strength, 9X boxer shorts. For a contribution they’ll remove it and put it in someone else’s yard at the previous recipient’s request. They leave a sign that say’s “You’ve been briefed.”
I prefer to think of it as holy extortion.
The first week the old ladies were mad. The youth director came to me on Sunday morning in a panic. “Pastor, I need some help here.” She offered to call the whole thing off.
“Don’t do that,” I said, “Then all those people who worked on this silly thing will be upset.”
I went to the gaggle of ladies sitting in their appointed places for Sunday school. I shook their hands, beamed my big mug in each of their faces, and told them how pretty they looked. It made them giggle. Or maybe the word is titter. Since they were in a good mood at that moment, I didn’t mention the underwear hanging out on the lawn.
Later at worship, several funny things were said about it. Then I got up and said, “The youth leaders were worried that this might offend someone. But I reassured them. We all have a sense of humor about these things. DON’T WE?”
It’s a gift I use sparingly: I can charm, amuse, and arm twist all at the same time, and make people feel glad they came.
Head lice and underwear. For this I went to seminary?