I was thinking of how the religious landscape of the nation is changing rapidly, and the churches we’ve known as we grew up are disappearing, perhaps not fast enough. Actually, it’s amazing how long these churches have held on. I guess the same stubbornness that made them drive themselves in the ground has also kept them in existence longer than we would expect.
I drive around the neighborhood and look at their buildings with their clever signs and I consider what their names would be if they reflected their nature. Here are a few that came to me. Perhaps you recognize them:
The Church of Hateful Condemnation
Commonly referred to as “The Gay Haters Church.”
Formerly the Church of Racist Bigotry.
First Petrified Septuagenarian (FPS)
First Errant Church of the Young and Clueless
The grandchildren of members of the FPS but they're drastically different. They're new and fresh because they play the drums in worship, plus they have a new volleyball net.
Baptist Bullies of Main Street
Sounds more like a bar, doesn’t it? Or maybe a Broadway musical?
The Church of MeTooism
“We have a new volleyball net, too.”
“We have an LED sign that looks like it should hang over a strip club, too.”
“We stood up for Jesus and against the Gays by eating at ChicFillet, too.”
The Self Righteous Brothers Bible Church
A split from The Church of Hateful Condemnation because it was getting too liberal. This is the exciting new nondenominational church that celebrates that good old time religion.
Lackluster Saints Community Church
Celebrating the sanctity of dullness, bringing people to new heights of tedium
United Hysteria Fellowship
Even they don’t know what they’re saying, but they’re so sincere.